So I have not done a very good job of keeping this thing updated. I'm sorry about that. A lot has happened since May 28th, like a team of 20 wonderful people from Kansas has come and gone. But I will talk about that in another post. First I want to share what Father has been teaching me in my time here in Amsterdam.
I'm writing this on a Tuesday. We leave Amsterdam on Saturday. I don't know where this month has gone. But here is what I can tell you. Whilst overseas, we do LTGs, or life transformation groups. Over the past two weeks, us girls have read Isaiah. I read it my first JSI summer and have loved it ever since. Reading all 66 chapters in two weeks was a challenge, especially with a one week team on the ground. However, there is a lot to be said for reading so much in a short amount of time.
Father's redemption and restoration of His people is what stood out to me the most this time around. So many times He tells them He blots out their transgression for His name's sake. He restores His people for His glory and fame. His love for us comes out of an overflow of His passion for His glory. I think it's easy to sway too much to either side: He is love or He is for His glory. Both are true. I take so much comfort in knowing that Father's passion for His name comes first. In my finite mind, that's how He is able to lavish His unconditional love on us; it doesn't depend on us. It can't. If He loved us to love us He would be a push over God. Instead He has a mighty arm that leads us, protects us, and restores us when we foolishly try to wander away. He is only good.
This past week I realized how many lies I was being hit with from the enemy. Lies about my singleness, my appearance, my role here, and a little bit of everything else. Father has been super faithful and has quickly helped me recognize lies and remind me of truth. But even pebbles can bury you if they pile up long enough. And one night I realized all at once the weight I've been under. Father was near though. He used that to open up Philippians 2:3-4 to me in a whole new way.
"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others as more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
For me, this starts with the language I use in my thoughts. If I ever felt slighted, overlooked, or lesser in anyway because of recognition or affirmation someone else got I would think, "Well, they deserve that more than me." So it sounded like I was being humble but really I just stored up hurt and a little shame for myself. I was piling up the lies. It was unhealthy. Father revealed the right language is, "They need that right now." It has nothing to do with me. When I think about how a friend might need a certain affirmation at a particular time doesn't shift anything on me. It pushes me to rejoice and pr for them. It helps me put those verses into practice. I'm not competing with anyone. What I need, my Father is faithful to provide. He knows what I need to encourage me and to keep me seeking Him. It is healthy.
I have been designed the way I am for the good works that were prepared for me to walk in before the earth was created. He knows I am a crazy mix of pride and insecurities and can only handle so much before one side spins out of control. One of my best friends taught me one of my favorite sayings, just be you and just love JC. We don't have to strive to impress people, we don't have to fit any particular mold. We are to be obedient and just walk in the way He shows us. He promises to be near, to show us the way, and to make the rough places smooth. He does these things, He does not forsake us. He is only good.
This is basically what I have been learning. It is sweet, it is rich, and it is good. Thanks for pr for me. It means more to me than y'all know. I would be good for nothing without them. Love y'all.
I'm writing this on a Tuesday. We leave Amsterdam on Saturday. I don't know where this month has gone. But here is what I can tell you. Whilst overseas, we do LTGs, or life transformation groups. Over the past two weeks, us girls have read Isaiah. I read it my first JSI summer and have loved it ever since. Reading all 66 chapters in two weeks was a challenge, especially with a one week team on the ground. However, there is a lot to be said for reading so much in a short amount of time.
Father's redemption and restoration of His people is what stood out to me the most this time around. So many times He tells them He blots out their transgression for His name's sake. He restores His people for His glory and fame. His love for us comes out of an overflow of His passion for His glory. I think it's easy to sway too much to either side: He is love or He is for His glory. Both are true. I take so much comfort in knowing that Father's passion for His name comes first. In my finite mind, that's how He is able to lavish His unconditional love on us; it doesn't depend on us. It can't. If He loved us to love us He would be a push over God. Instead He has a mighty arm that leads us, protects us, and restores us when we foolishly try to wander away. He is only good.
This past week I realized how many lies I was being hit with from the enemy. Lies about my singleness, my appearance, my role here, and a little bit of everything else. Father has been super faithful and has quickly helped me recognize lies and remind me of truth. But even pebbles can bury you if they pile up long enough. And one night I realized all at once the weight I've been under. Father was near though. He used that to open up Philippians 2:3-4 to me in a whole new way.
"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others as more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
For me, this starts with the language I use in my thoughts. If I ever felt slighted, overlooked, or lesser in anyway because of recognition or affirmation someone else got I would think, "Well, they deserve that more than me." So it sounded like I was being humble but really I just stored up hurt and a little shame for myself. I was piling up the lies. It was unhealthy. Father revealed the right language is, "They need that right now." It has nothing to do with me. When I think about how a friend might need a certain affirmation at a particular time doesn't shift anything on me. It pushes me to rejoice and pr for them. It helps me put those verses into practice. I'm not competing with anyone. What I need, my Father is faithful to provide. He knows what I need to encourage me and to keep me seeking Him. It is healthy.
I have been designed the way I am for the good works that were prepared for me to walk in before the earth was created. He knows I am a crazy mix of pride and insecurities and can only handle so much before one side spins out of control. One of my best friends taught me one of my favorite sayings, just be you and just love JC. We don't have to strive to impress people, we don't have to fit any particular mold. We are to be obedient and just walk in the way He shows us. He promises to be near, to show us the way, and to make the rough places smooth. He does these things, He does not forsake us. He is only good.
This is basically what I have been learning. It is sweet, it is rich, and it is good. Thanks for pr for me. It means more to me than y'all know. I would be good for nothing without them. Love y'all.
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