Dragons. Running. Idle Cars.

I'm not sure if it's my preacher's kid background or just how I've been wired, but I tend to think in analogies and illustrations. This weekend God has shown me three that have left me ruined.

Dragons

I have a lot in common with Eustace Scrubb.  In The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Eustace finds a massive treasure, claims it for himself, and puts on a bracelet. While it sounds small, Eustace's selfishness and greed leads to him becoming a dragon. Even though he could fly and breath fire, he was trapped in a scaly solitary confinement of sorts that forced him to think of who he truly was. It is only after this that Aslan tells him he must remove the dragon skin to bathe in Aslan's well to be healed. Eustace tries three times on his own to remove the skin only to discover he is unable to remove it all on his own. Aslan tells him that only the Lion can fully remove the dragon skin.

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off."

After removing the skin, Aslan threw Eustace in the water and he became a boy again. He was refreshed by the deliciously sweet water of Aslan's well. He was clean. He was free to be better than he was before.

I haven't been turned into a dragon, but I have been trying to peel off sin on my own. I have been making lists of things I can and can't do in hopes of getting back on track spiritually. I often fall into lie that if I would just try harder, I can be who I want to be. I have acting as if I have a righteousness that comes from my actions rather than Jesus'. And while there does need to be more effort here and there on my part, if I don't let Jesus rip from me what is holding me back I will never come to the end of my dragon skin.

Only, when I peel it off myself it doesn't hurt. By doing it myself I don't have to let go of the bracelet, even though it is the cause of my pain. I know that letting God remove my skin must take place before I can dive into his cleansing grace to heal my aching arm. I pray I'll come around someday.

Running

I have forgotten what it means to run well. At one point, I was running well. I must have gotten tired and stopped to walk because I have the wrong view of rest and fell into lazy. In some areas of my life, I haven't moved much in the past couple of years. As hard as it is to STILL be in this place, I am thankful that I am in a season that I can hit my stride on my own. I get to run alone with my King. I cannot be pursued if I am not pursing Him with all I have. He is the apex of all blessing. It's not about what He can give us, He has already given us Himself. He is better, I pray one day my heart will believe that.

Idle Car

This morning I realized my life lately has looked a lot like me sitting my car idling away and wasting gas. As I'm sitting there, Jesus is calling me to come to Him, but I just sit there. No only I am missing out on time with my savior, I am running out of gas by not moving. I am tired and hungry but still I sit. I try to sustain myself by little snacks in my car even though I know He has a feast that will not only satisfy but nourish me. But still I sit. I know that I am wasting time and resources I have been given. Maybe soon I won't just be sitting.

All of these have hit me in the past 36 hours. It has been difficult to see these things about myself, but not the least bit surprising. I have made mistakes, and I continue to make them. But, like Eustace, the cure has begun. I know I will have relapses. I know where I am now. I know that I need to let Jesus rip my vices from me. I need to let Him clean and heal me. I need to come to Him for rest. I need to let Him set the pace and keep running even when I feel like I can't. He didn't let Peter sink into the stormy sea, He won't leave me behind. I need to quit sitting in my car taking grace for granted and just start driving. It's simple, but definitely not easy. I have no idea what's ahead, where I'm going, or how long it will take me.

The end of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is a lot like the end of the book of John. Aslan leaves Edmund and Lucy with something like what Jesus told Peter.

“But I will not tell you how long or short the way will be; only that it lies across a river.  But do not fear that, for I am the great Bridge Builder.”

I will follow. I will run. I will drive. I will swim deep in the unsearchable riches of His grace. He is better, and I am dying to know Him more. 

Reflections

Tomorrow I drive back to Dallas, officially marking the end of the summer for me. I have enjoyed laying around and being (wayyyy too) lazy at home in Victoria, but I have reached my doing-nothing threshold and must return to productivity.

Today I have been reflecting on what I have learned this summer, and what lessons have come home to continue being learned. The biggest on going lesson is about getting settled. A wise man once told me that no matter what is going on in life, I will never feel fully settled. Growing up and settling down isn't all that it's made out to be. I believed it, but Father has been giving me ample opportunity to be reminded of that.

Summer 2013 was a really good one, a really sweet one. I know I have painted it as more challenging at times than it actually was. When we were in Madrid, I never truly felt settled. I let that annoy me. I allowed myself to gripe and complain about things that weren't really that bad in the scheme of things. I didn't seek refuge in Father. I didn't make myself stop and rest in the right Place. I wasn't steadfast in pr, continuing in it watchfully with thanksgiving. I didn't take a whole lot of time to be thankful at all. That's where I messed up. I believed the lie that to function well I must be comfortable, settled, and have things my way. If I had really sat down and pr'ed about things, HS would have opened my eyes to these things. I could have been encouraging to others, instead I focused on myself and only brought people down.

Every time I have taken the time to truly reflect on my summer, I am humbled. I am humbled that I was able to be used despite me. That's what He does best. He is able to accomplish his purposes even when we fail. His strength is made perfect in our weakness, whether we a walking well or not. Of course, it's better when we are but he's Gd and does what he knows is best.

This summer was very much a season of learning. I did more learning and watching that I have done maybe ever. I grew used to being the one with answers and wisdom. I tried to do things out of experience this summer rather than dependence on Father. And I missed out on things because of it.

I am reminded that though I am inadequate, He is more than able to do more than I can ask or imagine. I am reminded I weaver at ever step but His steadfast love endures forever.
I am faithless, but He is faithful. He cannot deny himself. He makes the rough places smooth and the dark places light.

He is good.

In late July, the apartment next to mine and Sarah's was struck by lightning and caught fire. Fortunately, ours was not burned at all but does have smoke damage. As of this moment, our apartment still is not repaired. Father has provided much in all of this, like a places to stay and friends in the restoration business to walk us though all of this. I share all of that not to find pity, but to tell you that I'm not done learning yet. Father is allowing me to walk through this to learn about settling in him, not my surroundings. One of the things I was most looking forward to coming home was returning to a place of my own. Right now, I still don't have that. I'm not quite done living out of a suitcase. He's giving me a second chance to learn what I did not in Madrid. I'm thankful for the opportunity to learn, but I do wish he could have used other methods. Wishing things were different crippled me this summer. I can no longer dwell in that. This is how it is. I must seek JC, depend on him, cry out to him, trust him fully. He has given me a unique opportunity to do that. I pr that I will learn it well this time so we can move on to what's next.


Thank you for all your prs and support this summer. These are the things that got me through. I knew I had brothers and sisters coming before our great Father for me, for the cities I was in, and the students I was blessed to walk with. Please continue to pr for the students as they return to school. Pr they will not conform back to who they were before their trip, but would truly be transformed in to looking more like JC every day. Pr for every person we were able to pr for or talk to. Thank Father that he is still working to draw them all to himself. Pr for our friends who are living in these cities, for encouragement, guidance, and strength.

I love you all.

Coming Home

All my bags are packed. All my electronics are charging. In the morning, I will be boarding a plane that will be the first leg of my journey back to the States. It's a weird feeling. I can't believe it's actually here. I am beyond excited to be coming home. However, I am still a little sad to be leaving Spain and summer 2013 behind.

The JSIs left Monday. It was bittersweet to see them off at the airport. It soon got sweeter when we saw Sarah walking through the doors. We were blessed to have her join Hunter and I in Madrid for a few days. We were able to debrief our summers, catch up, and enjoy a day trip to the city of Toledo. I learned more about Spanish history in about 6 hours than I did in the rest of my 6 weeks here. It was a great excursion. The three days Sarah was here were quick, but they were wonderful. It was good to have my best friend/roommate in the same city again. We laughed and cried and ate amazing food. Everything you could ever hope as you hang out with two of your favorite people in a foreign country.

Tonight, after Sarah started the first leg of her journey home, Hunter and I got to have dinner with the family we partner with here. It was the best time. We have loved getting to know this family over the past 6 weeks. They have 4 kids from 9 year to 17 months old. Seriously, a whole lot of fun. We enjoyed a homemade dinner and great conversation. We got to recount some of the things that happened this summer. They shared that having us there helped them feel like they aren't out here working all along. They were blessed to have us come and bring students to pr walk the same streets they do, and then some. There is a genuine sense of partnership and mutual encouragement. It was the best way to end our time here in Madrid. It was hard to say goodbye to that precious family, but it was nice to be able to say "See you next year" rather than "See you in heaven".

It was a long, hot, and challenging summer, but boy was it good. My last week in Spain has consisted of a mountain retreat with the JSIs, time with two of my best friends, and a sweet dinner with an amazing family. Despite being absolutely warn out, I am already excited to go home to prepare for summer 2014. If 2013 was any indication, it's going to be great and Father is going to blow us away with how He works.

Please pr Hunter, Sarah, and I as we all fly home tomorrow. We have a short layover at Heathrow in London. If you've ever travelled through there you know how stressful that can be. Please pr for no delayed flights at any point so we make all our connections. We are all flying from London to Dallas then Hunter and I are flying on to cities closer to our homes. And we just want to get there. To see our families and also to eat Whataburger or Chick-fil-a or something good like that.

Thanks for keeping up with me this summer. This is my last post from Spain, but it is not my last post. Stay tuned for more about what I learned this summer.

Love y'all!

Last Week

A week from today, this very second, I will be on my journey back to the US of A. I don't even believe it. This summer has both flown by and dragged on. It has been difficult, but so rewarding.

Tuesday we sent our second and last group of one weekers back to Texas. They were a younger and more rowdy group than the first, but they were still rock stars. Spain is very much a night culture. They take their siestas very seriously here. Our students spent a majority of their time out plowing (pr walking) for hours with little opportunity to sow (have gspl conversations). Not only do people just now come out until the evening, it is Ramadan. This is where the vast majority of the people in the areas we work in fast from sunrise to sunset. They do not even drink water during the day. Because of this, it was much harder to find people to talk to. Despite this obstacle, our students pushed through. They took joy in knowing their prs were softening the ground (hence plowing) for future workers to come and sow, and eventually be a part of the harvest. It was a hard week, but they were not discouraged. They were able to grasp the importance of pr in a way only Father could show them.

Our JSIs rocked it. Most of them had nothing left in the tank, nothing more to pour out. But they all learned to turn everything over to Father. He provides the strength we need when we have none. We all learned about what Paul talks about in Col 1:28-29. We have nothing on our own, but we toil with the energy that is provided from beyond our abilities. It was a sweet week. But it was not without hardship. In the middle of the week we had to say goodbye to the couple who had been guiding us through the summer. A complication with their pregnancy sent them back to the States much sooner than they expected. Even though their world was turned upside down, they clung tightly to the One who weaves us together in our mother's womb as well as weaves our lives into his marvelous redemptive story, all for his glory. They taught us much about suffering well and how to keep emotions from distorting our we view Father or his word. It was sad to see them go, but we had all we needed to keep the week running smoothly.

And by grace, it did. I don't think the one week students really even noticed a difference. Our second week, also by grace, had no sickies or any thing else that made the first week a little crazy. Hunter, Meredith and I were given the wisdom and words we needed to keep things going. It has been modeled for us well. Father is faithful in every situation. He just is.

Tomorrow we leave for a retreat outside of the city. Monday we will come back with just enough time to get the JSIs to the airport. They will leave on Monday. Sarah will join us from Paris and we will have a few days to rejoice together in what Father has done this summer, as well as rejoice in some much needed down time before we also leave.

Please pr both for team Madrid and team Paris as we all retreat and recount what has gone on this summer. Pr that it will be sweet time as a team, but even more so with father. I am hoping we will use the time well.

Please pr for all of us as we go back home. I always struggle between resting and just being lazy. We will all need rest. We don't need to be lazy. Pr as we all go home and fight with jetlag, we will rest well in the word and in sleep, but not let it slip into laziness.

Please pr for safe travels to retreat, to airports, and on planes as we make our ways home.

Thank you so much for your prs. I know I probably say this every single time, but I would be nowhere without them. I wouldn't have been able to do anything without support you have given me through words and prs. I look forward to telling y'all all my stories. Only one more week!

Love y'all!

Recovery. Restart.

Today as I write, our team is enjoying a free day full of rest and whatever else we want to fit into it. Last Tuesday we waved goodbye to about 50 Texas high schooler who had been here for a week. This coming Tuesday we will be meeting another Texas group of about 40 at the airport.

A lot happened in the week they were here. I think I learned more in those 7 days about what it means to be a field staffer than all the days leading up to it. I was a part of some hard conversations with a intern who had been pushing too hard on some of the rules we had set. We had several one week girls who were sick that I got to stay with and/or take to the doctor. I had to talk through decisions, talk to parents of the girls who were ill, and stay super up to date on my emails.

It was a hard week, but it was a good week. For one of the first times since I have been gone, I actually felt like I was doing my job. I wasn't just a helper, I was doing work. I know that part of that "helper" feeling is a lie that I have been battling all summer, that I haven't really been doing much work. But I have also been learning a lot about what our summers look like overseas. Until our first Texas team arrived, I had been riding with training wheels on. This past week I learned how to ride on my own under the watchful eyes of people who have been doing this for a long time. Starting Tuesday, Hunter and I will be running the show on our own, along with the Ms who live here in Madrid.

I'm not going to lie, I am a little nervous. But it's a good nervous. I know that I can't do this, but I know the One who will give me all that I will need for each day. But I am thankful that we have seen how everything is supposed to run before we have to do it on our own. That means we will be doing all of the teaching, running the meetings with the interns each morning, and staying on top of all the admin stuff that happens during the week. I think we are ready. We came into this summer not really having an idea of what an iG summer looks like in Europe. By grace, we have been able to watch and walk with people who have been running it for a while.

To be 100% honest, I am ready to be home. It's closing in on 10 weeks since I left the States. I don't mean to sound complainy, I am beyond grateful to have this opportunity to spend this much of my time in Europe. I really have loved every part of this summer. I mean, I got to go to read the Book in a meadow in the shadow of the castle in Segovia yesterday. It was marvelous and magical. I am thankful for a time of rest this week. I am looking forward to a set aside sabbath tomorrow to just dig into the word and take the time to reflect on my time in Madrid so far. But I am also ready be in a home, with my family, and to eat some Mexican food. Priorities right?

Please pr for all of us as we are tired and some of us are feeling a little under the weather.

Please pr that as we spend a couple of days resting, we would be resting in Father, his word, and making the most of our time.

Please pr for a couple of my friends who have had their lives completely changed in the past two weeks. Pr that as they adjust to life looking different than they had imagined, they would fight for joy and rest in the One who saw it all coming.

Please pr that I would be all here in Madrid. I really am glad to be here. I just need to keep fighting for joy in this work. I want to run hard my last 19ish days here. I don't want to check out. I want to pr harder for and selflessly love and serve my team.

Pr for the 40 students currently at base camp. Pr they would soak up all the teaching and hit the ground ready to run hard.

I cannot explain how thankful I am to know all these pr requests will be pr'd over. I COULD NOT do this without each and every one of you. Thanks for loving me friends. Love y'all!

Kel

After All

This morning we were sitting in teaching and I was having a hard time focusing. I finally realized, thanks to the HS, that I am nearing the burn out point. I have been overseas since May 7. I haven't been able to have a good intentional day of rest in a while. I feel like I have been running well, but marathons don't last forever.

Yesterday we went over the story of the woman at the well in Jn 4. Even when JC was weary he was still intentional. He had every right to be selfish, even if just for a moment. But he took advantage of every opportunity, no matter where he was or how he felt. We don't get to disengage when we are tired. We don't get to check out and shut down. JC gave us an example of how staying engaged through weariness changed a whole village. He has given us all we need to follow his example.

Father has reminded me of his faithfulness. He showed me where I was before I hit the level of being useless to all those around me. He orchestrated a great group discussion of Jn 4 yesterday to bring to mind. He also reminded me of a song that we sing at church that tells of his faithfulness.

Today has been good. I have gotten to rest in good fellowship with some of the people I am blessed to be here with. I am looking forward to a less intense week. I am thirsting for the word in a way I haven't been in a while. I am in a good place. And I am excited to see where we go from here.

Love y'all!

Quick Overview

So, I have not been good about keeping y'all informed as to what's going on. To catch everyone up, I am going to give y'all a bird's eye view of what the past couple of weeks have looked like for me.

June 5-11: 20 students and adults came to Amsterdam from Kansas. They were a great group. I don't know if I have seen students so excited to pr walk as these students were. It was very encouraging. It was a fun week for us field staffers because we were joined by another staff member. It was wonderful to have her there. She was fun, encouraging, and challenging all at the same time. We got to also see students jump in head first to meeting Name (North Africa and Middle East) peoples through out the city. Lots of great conversation were had. Please pr for all the seeds that were planted and watered that week. Praise Father that He alone can bring the growth and that He does it in His own perfect timing. 

June 12-14: The seven of us (SHaK and 4 JSIs) were able to play tourist a little bit. We ventured to a town called Volandam on the coast. We ate good seafood, did some good souvenir shopping, and enjoyed being out of the city. We also were able to visit the city of Haarlem and the Corrie ten Boom house. I was able to finish her book The Hiding Place while we were in Amsterdam and was super excited to visit the real hiding place. It was such an incredible experience. Our tour guide was a funny Dutch woman who retold the whole story of the ten Boom family and gave us a very knowledgeable tour of the house. Our last night in Amsterdam we babysat for the m family we were able to work with. We have three kids and it was a ton of fun to run around and play with them. They are an absolutely fantastic family and it was a blessing to spend time with them. Pr for them as they continue the work Father has led them to in Amsterdam. Pr they are able to connect with the same people the Kansas students were able to.  Pr they would be strengthened and encouraged in all they do. 

June 15-18: Everybody left Amsterdam. Sarah and the JSIs set off for Paris while Hunter and I came down to Madrid. Our first few days here were spent with two of our friends who are joining us in Spain this summer to help get things started. For those of you who don't know, this if the first summer iG has ever sent teams to Madrid. It is a beautiful city. The architecture is exactly what you think of when you think of Spain. We did a little exploring and lots of planning. It was great time of adjusting to a new city and getting ready for the JSIs. Last night we were able to go out to the M family's house and hang out with them. They are another super fun family with 4 kids and a heart for Name people. Please pr they figure this iG thing out quickly. Pr for good communication for all involve and clear expectations. Pr the family would learn how to balance family life with students on the ground. Please pr we are a blessing to them and that this is the first of many great summers in Madrid. 

June 19: Today! 10 new JSIs landed at 1pm. They are a fun group and I look forward to knowing them better. We kept them awake and vertical by taking them on a scavenger hunt of sorts. It was good to hang out with them and watch them work together to get around a new city. We start real work tomorrow with training and visiting some potential work sites. Pr they adjust to Madrid time quickly and jetlag isn't even a thing with them. Pr they soak up all the teaching and are excited for the pr and work that comes with opening a new city. Pr learn to love this city, its people, and each other in a way that can only come from Father. Pray for us we lead them and prepare them to lead one weekers well. 

I think the coolest thing about these new JSIs is that their team leader is my sister. We will get to lead and work together all summer. I am excited to spent time with her. She figured out that this will be the most consecutive days we will see each other since I graduated high school. I can't wait to share this adventure with her.

Thank you for all your love and prs. It means the world to me!

Love y'all,

Kel